I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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