david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
