Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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