Well douche your snatch and let's go!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
