every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i've created a new STD.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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