You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life is pants optional.
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