Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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