ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
