she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
