I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can I color on your dick again?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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