I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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