i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
