They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
