Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
