I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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