my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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