There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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