Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
