I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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