I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
