I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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