It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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