I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
