I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i've created a new STD.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
