i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
