So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
