You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
