You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
