he puts the penis in happiness.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
