I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
