I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
