So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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