well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
