Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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