fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
