You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
