The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
