True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
