just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
