I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
