nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
