Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
