I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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