id be glad to
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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