My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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