8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
