i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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