Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
