i jhust puked up my retainher.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
