She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
