hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
