Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
