I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
