I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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