Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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