Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
